The first two weeks:



I'm coming to the end of my first couple of weeks working for PROJECT L, we've had some limited success, we've managed to fill the site with some banners and adverts but no-one is willing to pay us since we're still an unknown commodity. I've learnt that only around 1 in 5 people who pick up the phone in greater London speak congruent English, but I've become quite fond of all the different intonations, particularly the thick South African and Eastern European dialects. Still, having been abroad myself, it is fair to say their English is far better than any other language I have attempted to speak. Yell.com has proven invaluable, though now and again we have had some interesting conversations when asking for the online marketing department of various kebab shops and takeaways, none of whom seemed to understand the concept of web-based advertising, understandably, though I've had some great chats with various people until they realized that I did not in fact want a taxi or any form of air conditioning.

I have called upon a few contacts in Brazil (where I have spent my last two summers for that small minority of you who might care), all of whom have been willing to get involved. One of the Brazilians owns a company that sells wristbands to clubs and festivals – the sort anyone who has been to Glastonbury, Reading or Leeds will be familiar with, others who are involved with various computer and internet related consultancy. A lot of IT firms have been interested in our product, parlty due do our mysterious X-factor. The smaller sized companies in particular, who would perhaps have a greater need for affiliation with us, have gotten onboard for a trial whilst there is no costs. Most are involved with PROJECT L on the basis that, as one individual said, "even a shot in the dark is worth it if its free," and that leap of faith they have taken will hopefully pay off, if only to spite the individuals who refused even to listen to my pitch on the phone.

We've achieved a lot of contacts details from prospective client who seem to have shown a genuine interest, over 200 each, but I'm still unsure of how many are legit – you would be surprised to know perhaps that when cold calling companies, around 2/3 of anyone important within an office will be "away from their desk," "on holiday for a month," "in a meeting," or my personal favorite…at 2 in the afternoon, will have "already gone home." Rubbish…I wish firms would just say "go away we don't accept cold calls," it would save both of us time and energy…rant over lets move on…

Socially, the last two weeks have been good, myself and Mr P have hit London pretty hard in various failed attempts to meet interesting people … though we have found some places to frequent when we return in the summer, mainly 'Cheers' near Picaddilly, and a brazilian hangout called 'guaranabar' near Holborn. If any women want to find us for some crappy conversation and embarrassing dancing…you need only look for the guy in the white-trash gillet (me) and the 18 year old Indian dressed like a middle aged accountant (Mr P).

Tonight PROJECT L hit London together. Mr. P and myself depart for a month of exams at Uni (yey!) whilst a few new recruits are coming along to do the meet-and-greet-smalltalk that always accompanies new faces. Should be a laugh, particularly since Woody, Buzz and to some extent Mr. P can't quite handle their alcohol! My next entry wont be for a while so it's up to my limited reader base to add something new…all comments are welcome…unless I think they're boring…or stupid…I have low standards though so most will be included lol….

KC

The Name Game

First and foremost, I want to rename some of the individuals who I’m going to be writing about over the coming months, hopeful ly giving you a better flavor for the people they are, and a slightly less dry view on life in our office than you are likely to get from the two boss men.


The Visionary: This guy is my office boss. At least 30% of his day is spent keeping myself and my sales partner on the phones and out of trouble. He reminds me of a person that everyone should have in their lives somewhere…hopelessly well qualified (he's studied at Cambridge, Paris , MIT etc) but, as with all good academics, has been shut away from the real world for too long. His first run through of managing people has been generally smooth but not without hitches, and his sales department have faithfully continued to wind him up here and there since day one. I'm going to call him Woody. Picture him like pixar's character, with his bumbly Tom Hanks voice. In our office he is the friendly cowboy. He means well, makes little mistakes here and there and has fun catch phrases like his suggestion for a tag line that ran "we'll cut through your shit…" bless him, at least he tries. Woody has also got a girlfriend…a rare thing in our office.


The Innovator: This guy is the business brains of the outfit…he's out to make money and most likely to direct us in a way that will do so. Whilst the visionary was out exploring countless dimensions of his personality whilst traveling and gaining further degrees in various places, the innovator set himself up in London. He already works elsewhere, on what I can only assume is a good salary by the flat we're staying in, but Project L is what he focuses on now. The creation these two have spawned has taken them over…and brought them together to become somewhat of a duo. I'll be living in his flat over the summer. His nickname will be buzz…that's what he brings to the office during his brief visits (do I sound like an insecure girlfriend / wife?!). It's lame but I don't see enough of him to give you something more fitting. I toyed with a Batman and Robin analogy but (is the new name catching on yet?!) but I think it would inflate their egos a little too much…and it's a novelty to associate children's characters with setting up an online casino.


The Minovator: Perhaps the worst alias my bosses could come up with on their blog, the minovator is the guy who brought me in on this, he is the innovator's younger, louder brother and he's been a mate of mine for a few years now. The only dirt I can dig on this guy is that he has really hairy feet, but we waxed them together (a bonding experience for us) so that he will no longer be dubbed 'hobbit' by his friends (bless). He is at Nottingham reading “computry” and he can sell anything to anyone…he's also proving pretty useful at ridiculous haggling around London. I'm gonna call him Mr P. Like the simpleton I am, I'm enjoying the Toy Story theme, and the style and volume of speech that comes out the potato is similar to that of my friend. He talks non-stop, and asks obvious questions…all…the…time. Fortunately I can sympathize with him, myself also prone to drone (as you can perhaps tell), but the humor to be had is when our beloved boss Woody blows his top over the constant babble. If we had a webcam in the office, we could put Gervais to shame with some of the crap Mr P has been known to come out with…he has the mannerisms and the attitude to match. He will be in charge of the minions in the summer and is reveling in the chance to bring about a harsh regime of discipline everywhere, which should prove hilarious.


Hiro: Aparently some form of Manga character this guy likes…hmmm…no idea myself. My initial nickname for him was dubbed inappropriate by the strict censorship I'm under here…instead I'll call him Hamm (Mr H). He is not in any way fat, quite the opposite infact, but his job is to generate some initial funds for the company through various sources, so the talking Pig's use as a money box is not entirely unfitting. Ebay is his major project, so be careful if you a buy a Plasma T.V. or Projector because your probably paying us a huge markup! Mr H is good at Poker, good at console games and smoking…misspent youth I suppose.


The Wit: This guy's a new arrival so again very little interesting I can say at this point. He and I have had only a brief overlap, as he arrived I was preparing to kick start myself back into the Durham routine. I wanted to stick with the Toy Story theme but I'm not really sure what links I can make…he has been predominantly in charge of sorting out admin, legal issues and other written work that needs to be looked over or put together. Etch! That cheeky magnetic drawing and writing implement with as much wit as an etchasketch can have. Ok massively tenuous link made there…but sympathize with an individual who is attempting to write about someone they've only known for 2 days or so! Hopefully I can concoct something better at a later date.

In the beginning...

Introductions…I have been dubbed the King of Chat (I'm a gobby sod), KC from now on. I am a 19 year-old student at Durham Uni, I'm in 2 grand of debt and I'll be spending my summer in a London office working for minimum wage. Why am I making such a seemingly stupid decision? Firstly, I'm fed up of working for plebs with inferiority complexes at my local pub, especially since most of them spend their spare time qualifying for ASBO status in their own watering holes. Secondly, most firms are unlikely to employ me because I look like the stereotype student – you would give money to me on the street if I sat by a bus stop since I have a sufficiently impressive mop that I tend to look like something you pull out of a vacuum bag and the wardrobe of someone who shops predominantly from the bargain bin. Finally, I'm taking this job because I get a roof over my head in central London for free as part of the deal I have with my employers, and with the world cup coming up I figure what better place to see England almost win it than the capital!

I work for PROJECT L, an online gambling site cooked up by and developing under the guiding hands of 'the innovator' and 'the visionary'. In spite of their lame pseudonyms (not that I am in a position to mock), the two of them have convinced a number of employed individuals to abandon paid work and get onboard a project on faith alone. They have a concept (they claim, I have no idea!) that will skyrocket them toward fame and fortune on the back of its popularity. I'm realistic, and as most middle-aged 9-5 types (my parents among them) will happily state, for every financial success story there are another thousand failed entrepreneurs in charge of student barman at the local watering hole… This idea has all the makings of a success though, a massive target market (the online gambling industry is currently worth $13 billion and growing), a team of staff both competent and committed (financially very much so for those who have left jobs), and a concept which (I'm told) will revolutionize online gambling as it stands. One problem facing the duo is a lack of available people to sell their product on a corporate level before it goes fully live as a business-to-consumer operation. Everything we do here is secretive and yet I co-head the department involved with calling people up and talking about Project L. Herein lies the challenge: my job is to cold-call companies and sell to them our product without being able to disclose any information about what the said product actually is.

My average day is chronically frustrating…essentially involving a series of long conversations that ultimately lead to nothing, very much like trying to get laid in some of the pretentious bars we've been taken to over the last fortnight. You may be one of the lucky few to have been greeted by my freshly broken voice…those of you still waiting for the pleasure of a conversation with me should not lose faith, as both the lottery and our sexual health nurse frequently repeat – it could be you…

I'll be posting you all on a semi-regular basis now that I am failing my exams...but at least it means I'll be working full time for the innovator and the visionary!